I read an article a while back about the character trait of dominance in females. Female leaders get /punished/ in the work place or social settings for not assuming the nurturing roles they are unconsciously expected to take on. That wasn’t just in the article, it was the definition to how I often felt. Perhaps even the word, blindsided, would describe how I feel each time the look of shock comes over someone when I hold boundaries, set expectations, or ask for something directly. Beyond that, does that mean that nurturing is synonymous to submissive and self-sacrificing in today’s current climate?
Let’s get one thing straight while we are here, submission does not equate powerlessness. In fact, in healthy situations, submissives have more control of a situation than the dominant figure. A dominant person needs to be given that power by someone else, where a submissive gives the power up. I often dance between the two character traits happily and playfully.
It feels like female certainty (otherwise called out as dominance) is unwelcomed. The other party isn’t requesting submission, though…at least not the healthy kind. For someone to give up their power and be a follower of another, that is a high honor. However, the submissive is allowed to have boundaries. That’s what makes this a) a choice and b) a healthy situation for both.
Let’s think of the workplace. If a boss asks their direct reports to work a little late one night or a few times a month, the direct reports can willingly agree to such. But let’s say the direct reports get asked too often. Their lives are second to their work and they are overworked. They don’t recharge. They lose their grounding with what matters and feeds their needs. Although both parties are at fault for letting it get to this point, the boss isn’t responsible for knowing the threshold*. And if the boss asked FAR too much…. chances are they have a dark personality trait in there somewhere, so blaming them for their shortcomings is futile. It’s up to the person who gives the power up to set the boundaries. * A good leader, would open those lines of communication, however, to allow for that information to become known.
It’s up to the person who gives the power up to set the boundaries.
This isn’t a fluffy easy job, though. It takes a healthy person to be able to speak a boundary and demand its respect. The first part of that is learning where your boundaries are AND where they ought to be to keep you healthy. I suggest any form of meditation or journaling if you don’t already have these answers. Know that the first 50 times you set boundaries, you’ll feel like a mouse walking up to a hungry owl. The more you practice, the less your sympathetic nervous system will activate.
Boundaries are natural. Boundaries ought to be expected as part of ANY healthy relationship in any setting.
Sometimes admiration for setting a boundary comes out in a self reflective chuckle from the other party. Sometimes the other party processing the boundary will take a step back and say something akin to male anatomy that equates to being brave… but let’s be real… who has time to waste? I know I don’t. Establishing what doesn’t go, builds a highway for what does…. and then you’re one step closer to limitlessness. It’s not /just/ bravery, it’s knowing your worth, valuing yourself, and establishing efficiency for the long term for you and those you interact with.
#keeprunningkid