Tonight I spoke with an old friend about working through the inevitable difficult times of a marriage. We are not ones to believe you marry someone and you stay in that puppy love phase for eternity with this other person. We discussed best practices for communicating when we felt hurt or not supported. Which led to questions of whether certain things meet the threshold for bringing up for a full deep conversation with a significant other… which led to the questions “Why do I feel this meets the threshold?” & “What does this say about me?”.
It got me thinking tonight: It’s really hard to avoid speaking to yourself as your spouse does. This is the person you are probably most vulnerable and present with. The way they accept you… or reject you… would take but a short while of repetition for your inner voice to start sounding like how you perceive the way your significant other feels about you. I don’t have an answer to the best means of communication between you and your spouse. However, I can say I will be working on this. Both in how I speak to my husband and how I speak to myself.
Ultimately, my hope is that everyone can look at themselves in the mirror and see themself with as much love as a (proper) mother would see them: perfect in every way. Now, this feels like a tall order, but I do practice this self-love standoff with myself 3 times a week. It’s a good practice. The days that are harder for me to find self-love, I remember that I am malleable; I can change. I can either change my diet and exercise routine, read more books, practice more patience, or I can be more strict about my healthy routines. This sounds like I’ve got it all together, but I don’t. This is a STANDOFF. Me against low self-esteem-me just staring at each other. And one of us will be stronger. And the one I want to win doesn’t always. But that just means I’ve got some homework before our next meeting in the mirror. Just to clarify, the mirror isn’t there for body image control… Although as a survivor of an eating disorder, this does play a major role in who wins for the day (Healthy-minded-self or sick-me). I could just as easily choose to meet myself in meditation and challenge her to a dual of love.
Here’s to you, you perfect beast.